List of fights in this episode:
  1. Spitfire vs. Vlad the Impaler II
  2. T-Minus vs. TriDent
  3. Tazbot vs.The Ringmaster
 


Pre-fight ranting, back and better than ever:


Spitfire vs. Vlad the Impaler II

Excellent! We get to see this Spitfire bot. I'm shocked that I didn't comment on this bot in my pre-season ranting. I spent lots of effort being really mean with my suck picks but never seemed to get around to my nifty picks. Anyway, I saw the picture of Spitfire on robotcombat, and immediately thought it was the coolest looking of the bots I had never heard of before. I have to hand it to the Brits. They design a mean looking bot. So anyway, Spitfire is this green, pointy flipper bot that looks like something from a science fiction movie. It's a really odd shape, the best I can do at describing it in words is that it looks like your "ship" in Tempest that would crawl around the outside of the shape and shoot at the things that emerged from the point in the middle. (The boyfriend says it looks like a backwards horseshoe crab without a tail.) It's nominally a two-wheeled bot, with a third little teeny wheel in the back, not unlike the kind of wheels you see on the wheelie bar of a dragster. Vlad II is the same box as before but instead of spikes, there's a large silver plate attached to the bottom of the bot.

OK, RFT. Within two seconds of the start of this fight it becomes apparent that we have two fast, maneuverable bots scurrying around the box. There's a head-on collision, and ah....I see that the Vlad II's plate lifts off the floor. I suspect that the idea was to take Spitfire with it, but that's not the way that things worked out. Now we've got Spitfire wedged under the back of Vlad II and trying a flip. It doesn't work either, but it is a good excuse for Spitfire to let loose with a mighty CO2 snort. Now we've got a couple small hits, then some more scurrying, and then a major head-on collision. Vlad II goes flying up over the top of Spitfire, windsurfs, then crashes down on the floor. Oof. Now we've got Vlad II driving around looking for a gas station, and Spitfire running circles around him just because he can. Now Vlad II is trying to position, and we've got the bots meeting head on, and then Spitfire gets his points on the metal plate, and Vlad II lifts the plate, and yes, the points get lifted. Yup, that's it. OK, now we've got Vlad II backing into Spitfire and Spitfire up on Vlad II's back. Vlad II goes to stuff Spitfire into the spikes, and somehow ends up on top of the spikes himself. Spitfire tries a lift, and the subsequent snort ends up being more spectacular than the attempted flip. Now we've got Vlad II lifting an invisible opponent on his plate while Spitfire goes around the back of him and lifts a mighty lift. Vlad II's rear eats a lot of air. Now Spitfire is driving around with the flipper up, trapping Vlad II between the flipper and the points, pushing Vlad II around and then finally stopping on the saws. Zzzzzz. Vlad II hurts, Spitfire snorts. Spitfire hits and flips, and Vlad II goes over on his back. The lifting plate is now a wedge, and a really steep one as well. Now Spitfire annoys Vlad II with the points and Vlad II backs off quickly into the spikes. Oof. Now Vlad II is driving around and we've got Spitfire all poking around Vlad II's rear end. A flip can't be far behind. Yup, there it is. Snort. Now of course, Vlad II has his lifting plate back. Not this it matters, because now Vlad II is running away. Vlad II calls up his courage and travels in Spitfire's direction. Spitfire hits Vlad II with the points and Vlad II pops a little, allowing Spitfire to get under him and stuff him into the spikes. Now we've got Vlad II on top of Spitfire, still smushed into the wall, and then Spitfire activates his arm and Vlad II pops a lot. Snort. Vlad II runs a bit, then we've got bot fox-trot, then we've got the bots staring each other down, and then we've got Spitfire with small pokes on Vlad II. Vlad II throws it in reverse and rams full speed into the screw. Spitfire throws it in drive and rams full speed into the screw. Now we've got Spitfire chasing after Vlad II, trying to get the points under Vlad II's back end. Eventually Spitfire succeeds and pushes Vlad II to the hammer. Vlad II drives away fast enough to avoid the hammer, but in the process smashes into the screw and appears to leave a part behind in the casing. That might have been something important, either that or Vlad II is finally starting to show the effects of all the beatings that he's been subject to at the points of Spitfire because all that sharp driving has suddenly gone all dull. Spitfire fire pokes at Vlad II some more while Vlad II enjoys a couple saw hits. Now the final seconds of the fight count down and Spitfire is presented with an opportunity to flip Vlad II again. Spitfire mulls it over for a few seconds, then sensing that the fight is his, Spitfire chooses to conserve his CO2. Buzz. Game Over. 27-18 decision for Spitfire. Now CC is actually doing something funny. They're doing the interview with the Lancaster Bombers. Being British, they speak English, and not the bastardized American dialect. CC plays this up by providing subtitles with transliteration. Really, It was the funniest thing they did so far this year.


T-Minus vs. TriDent

Yay! Batting 100% so far for bots I've been looking forward to seeing this season. Cute 'ol T-Minus is still a compact 2 wheeled silver box with killer flipping arm. We all like to see T-Minus get inverted so we can watch the 540 righting flip. I notice that there are wheel guards, I'm not sure whether those were there last year. T-Minus' opponent is TriDent. TriDent is a U-shaped green box with a third arm thing in the middle of the U. It looks like a combination of a lifting arm and spike.

OK RFT. We've got both bots out of the boxes and some bumper cars in the middle of the box. Now TriDent has driven off a bit and is doing this thing where the spike arm is on the floor and the rest of the U is off the floor, and I'm not sure I understand this. Now the U is on the floor and the arm is up, and yup, I guess that everything works. I'm not sure what T-Minus has been doing this whole time, maybe cooking up a mean Hollandaise sauce in the kitchen or something. Now TriDent re-enters the fight and we've got some bot disco and then T-Minus gets the flipper under the side of TriDent and TriDent eats a lot of battlebox air. Now TriDent drives over the saws, which don't pop. We see T-Minus in the middle of the box, and then TriDent drives past and past the saws. For some reason unbeknownst to those of us in the living room, TriDent throws it in reverse and backs into the set of saws he just drove past. Zzzzz. TriDent surfs for a fairly long period of time, generating copious sparks. TriDent falls off the saws, and ends up right on T-Minus' flipper, which was waiting on the far side just in case a robot happened to fall off the saws. I count two and a half flips. Now we've got TriDent re-inverting himself with that spike arm, and taking a really long time to do it. T-Minus whips up a mean spinach quiche in the kitchen, then comes back out to the fight, and we've still got TriDent halfway through his elaborate righting move, and T-Minus just chuckles, and flips TriDent again. Oof. TriDent falls on the saws. Zzzzzz. Now TriDent runs away, then turns around, takes a running start and we have a head-on collision in the center of the box. Smash. T-Minus gets clocked and spins around looking a bit dazed, then gets hung up on the saws for a major saw hit. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz. No sparks. Now TriDent gets under T-Minus with the spike arm and lifts, and we've got T-Minus off the floor a bit but that's it. T-Minus gets out of this predicament fairly easily. TriDent backs onto T-Minus's flipper again and gulps more battlebox air. TriDent backs away, and ends up on the saws again. Zzzzzz. T-Minus comes over and flips TriDent again, then snorts and lifts, just because he can. Now TriDent drives around and stops near the saws, but not on them. Pete pops the saws. TriDent backs into the popped saws. Zzzzzz. Now TriDent seems to be driving around with purpose, but I haven't figured out what that purpose is yet. Hoo boy. TriDent has managed to get on the saws, AGAIN. Zzzzz. Guess TriDent really didn't need those strategy points. Now T-Minus gets two quick flips on TriDent. This must have gotten TriDent angry or something because now TriDent comes after T-Minus, rams into the front him, and pushes him backwards to the area near the hammer, but not quite under the hammer. T-Minus bounces off a wall, and reverses the momentum, pushing TriDent back to the center of the box. T-Minus drives away and then somehow gets himself under the hammer. Pow. Oof. T-Minus backs away from the hammer, diretly into the front of TriDent. Smash. Some driving around, then T-Minus gets yet another flip, and TriDent drives into the spikes. Now TriDent is trying that really slow righting thing, and who's he kidding? T-Minus puts a large hit on sitting duck TriDent. Now we've got some hitting, and T-Minus pushing TriDent backwards really fast, and then they get over the saws, which pop and separate the bots. Now we've got T-Minus ultra-smushing TriDent into the spikes, and now we've got T-Minus flipping TriDent into the wall, and we've got TriDent all trying to right himself, which is interesting because he's on his side, and then time runs out before TriDent finishes his maneuvers. 33-12 decision for T-Minus.


Tazbot vs.The Ringmaster

Score! Third fight out of three with a bot I've been dying to see fight! We've got the Coolest of All Cool Robots, Tazbot! Tazbot is still the big insect bot with the spinning head and the proboscis. It looks like there have been modifications for this particular fight, the probocis is locked in an upright position, and there's now a big metal scoop where the stinger used to be. Even more important, Team Mutant Robots have upgraded to slick pit crew shirts a la Team Whyachi, and I'll have to check their site to see if they're selling those because those are something else that I'd pay money for. Tazbot's opponent is The Ringmaster, a black spinner bot with two big killsaw magnets in the middle, and why do people put treads on bots?

OK RFT. The Ringmaster spins to speed as Tazbot skitters a bit, and then Tazbot gets down to business and starts manhandling The Ringmaster. We've got an extended period of Tazbot scooping The Ringmaster and pushing her around the box. The Ringmaster continues spinning at speed, and drives away from Tazbot, turns around, and drives back at her. The Ringmaster hits the side of Tazbot, then Tazbot turns and The Ringmaster hits the scoop. The Ringmaster proceeds to bounce off of the scoop. Tazbot continues to aim the scoop at The Ringmaster, and does a pretty durn good job at preventing The Ringmaster from getting a hit on her more sensitive areas. Now we have Tazbot totally manhandling The Ringmaster again, bouncing and pushing The Ringmaster around the box. Whoah. Wait, what the.......OH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. This cannot be happening. Tazbot has completely stopped moving. This is majorly weak. I mean if you're going to lose, then lose. Go out as a pile of destruction, or at least go to a judge's decision, but don't just STOP. You would think that a bot as seasoned as Tazbot would not fall prey to broken internal parts or something coming loose. So now we've got the count out while The Ringmaster randomly drives over the saws. (Could it be the magnets?) Game Over for Tazbot, and what a totally anti-climatic way to say goodbye to a favorite bot.

Let us now have a moment of silence for the Coolest of All Cool Robots, Tazbot.

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