List of fights in this episode:
  1. Dreadnought vs. Gammacide
  2. Sublime vs. Death by Monkeys
  3. Final Destiny vs. Gray Matter
 


No pre-fight ranting this week as I have neither the time nor energy for any more verbiage. (Yes, this is the last thing I do every week.) Pre-fight ranting will be back next week.


Dreadnought vs. Gammacide

Dreadnought is a big, two wheeled silver wedge with two big, vertical, circular saws on the back. Gammacide is an enormous 4-wheeled black box with an enormous snowplow on the front. The enormous snowplow can be lifted up and down, just like on the 4x4's that come and plow your road at 4am in the morning.

OK, RFT. Bots leave squares and collide in the center of the box. Gammacide gets under Dreadnought's wedge, popping her up in the air. Bots back off, then collide again. Dreadnought rides up the plow, tips up on one wheel, then crashes down on her back. Gammacide tries to scoop up Dreadnought. It might be less damaging were this move tried on a side of Dreadnought that didn't have spinning circular saws on it. It might be less damaging were this move tried somewhere other than on top of the killsaws. Zzzzzzz. Gammacide throws us a few sparks. Now we've got a slow motion collision and Dreadnought gets the wedge under the plow and lifts the plow arm up a few inches. Now we've got a stalemate with bots pushing head on at each other and neither bot moving an inch. Gammacide lifts the plow a bit more, Dreadnought pushes as hard as she can, and Gammacide dribbles off the wedge and onto the saws, generating another handful of sparks. Zz. Now Gammacide has the plow lifted over his head for an extended period of time. Plop. Plow plops. The effect is not unlike when you push your arms against a door frame real hard for a real long time, and then you walk out from the frame and your arms seem to lift themselves for a while and then they plop down. While Gammacide has been playing with his plow, Dreadnought has been entertaining herself by driving into the spikes. Now Dreadnought backs over the saws, and Gammacide, not wanting to be left out, sticks his plow over the saws. Zz. Zz. A couple lonely sparks enter the world. We've got a weak hit on the leftmost two inches of Gammacide's plow. Now another weak hit, and some love taps, and Gammacide playing with the plow and lifting some non-existent snow, and Gammacide travelling backwards faster than he has ever travelled forward during this match and Gammacide smashing ass first into the spikes. Gammacide collects his wits, and can someone tell me what Dreadnought is doing during this whole period? Ah. My question is answered. Dreadnought is posing for pictures in the middle of the box. Gammacide assesses the situation and decides to smash really hard into the saw side of Dreadnought. Dreadnought flips through the air. Then Dreadnought is temporarily on top of the plow, and after Dreadnought rolls off, Gammacide plays with his plow and lifts some imaginary dirt. Now Dreadnought starts whittling away at the rear of Gammacide with the circular saw. Gammacide drives face first into the the spikes while Dreadnought is still all with the whittling. Gammacide turns around and pops Dreadnought off the floor. Dreadnought gets pushed to the saws, and then Gammacide, not wanting to be left out, takes a saw hit as well. Now we've got this period of Dreadnought smacking into the side of Gammacide, Gammacide playing with his plow, and lots of aiming and posing. Gammacide seems suddenly slow and confused. Perhaps we should set him into the maze of twisty passages, in search of a vending machine. Now Dreadnought is all whittling Gammacide again and we've got some wrestling directly on top of the saws for about 10 seconds, but saws no pop. Then we've got some more wrestling in the red square and Gammacide backs over the saws for about half a second. Saws yes pop. Zzzzzz. Sparks. Now we've got Gammacide driving around in circles, backwards, perhaps still stuck in a twisty passage. Dreadnought is all with the wedge under the side of Gammacide, and starts pushing Gammacide towards the spikes at a speed I clock at about 3 inches/hr. Gammacide plays some more with his plow. Now we have Gammacide apparently completely lost in the twisty passages (he should have brought in more stuff to drop) while Dreadnought is all pounding the plow that Gammacide seems to love playing with so much. The plow seems to be half removed from Gammacide, who has abandoned it for the spikes. Gammacide plays with the spikes and it looks like his butt end may have melded with them somehow, causing Gammacide to start doing this weird wheelie thing where the rear wheels and the plow stay on the ground while the front wheels lift up off the ground. So now we've got this situation with Gammacide all vertical with the plow half off and Dreadnought pushing Gammacide in the spikes and the buzzer goes off and we achieve Game Over. 29-16 decision for Dreadnought. You know, this is a whole lot of words about a fight where not a whole lot happened.


Sublime vs. Death by Monkeys

Sublime is a bot that looks like a mini-tank and has a forked lifting arm. Death By Monkeys is still a little flat black box with four spikes out the front and a monkey skull painted on the top. This is going to be a hard fight to call correctly because both bots seem to have done some intravenous expresso, and when they're moving fast and it's not a closeup, it's hard to tell them apart. These durn box-style LWs.

OK, RFT. Sublime screams out of the red box and makes it almost to the blue box before Death By Monkeys wakes up. We have a collision. Pow. Now we've got both bots skittering real fast around the box and now a collision in the red box. Sublime runs into the spikes then makes a big circle around the box, smashes into Death By Monkeys, and then lifts air with the fork. Sublime spends an inordinate amount of time lowering the arm, meanwhile, Death By Monkeys smashes into the front of him and pushes him, quickly, towards the screw. Sublime tries a lift whilst involuntarily travelling backwards, but only grabs some air before cruely meeting the screw. Sublime drives away from the screw like a bat out of hell, leaving a large trail of smoke in his wake. The effect is not unlike that of a comet. Actually, I think I've reached the critical number of fights watched to begin making an occasional informed hypothesis. (Say it isn't so!) I suspect that the "smoke" is actually escaping CO2. I suspect that a valve has gotten sheared off somewhere and that we've seen the last of that lifting arm. The CO2 cloud dissipates as Sublime runs back into the front of Death By Monkeys. Death By Monkeys tries to get Sublime under the hammer, but has to settle for second, or third, best by stuffing Sublime into the spikes. Death By Monkeys backs away from Sublime, directly into the path of the hammer. Luckily, he decided to do this quickly, before Pete catches up to him. As Death By Monkeys breathes a sigh of relief, Sublime extricates him from the spikes and smashes head on into Death By Monkeys. For a LW, he hits hard. Now it's Sublime's turn to smush Death By Monkeys into the spikes. The bots drive away from the situation, with Sublime choosing the path over the saws. WHOAH! Wait, I need to watch that again.....WHOAH! Pete pops the saws, and Sublime literally flies across the box and ends up by the spikes on the far side, losing a large piece of armor from the wheels in the process. Now Death By Monkeys drives around a bit with the spikes up, then the bots collide, and it looks like Death By Monkeys is somehow stuck on Sublime's fork. Sublime spins in place, causing Death By Monkeys, attached at the fork, to spin in a larger diameter circle. This larger circle passes over the saws. Zzzzzzzzz. Sparks. Ooh. Aah. OK, Death By Monkeys is driving around all with the spikes up, and we've got bot tango, and now we've got Sublime doing pirouettes in the blue square. "Pretty Ballerina" plays in the music box in my head. Sublime hits Death By Monkeys, rides the saws, then hits Death By Monkeys again. Now we've got extended shots of the builders, and we can only hope that nothing exciting was happening in the battlebox during this interlude. Returning to the action, we find Sublime annoying Death By Monkeys with small hits, attempting to push Death By Monkeys into a set of raised saws. Sublime fails at this endeavor and then parks his own butt on a set of retracted saws. Those saws pop, and we have a slow motion saw hit on Sublime. Zz. No sparks. Sublime dribbles off the saw and immediately goes after Death By Monkeys again. We've got the fork under the raised spikes and a standoff. Bots briefly separate and then Sublime is with the hits on the side of Death By Monkeys while Death By Monkeys lowers his spikes. Death By Monkeys gets the lowered spikes under the fork and another standoff. Now we got an extreme closeup of Death By Monkeys somewhat winning the standoff, and when the camera pulls back, Sublime is completely enveloped in a cloud of pink smoke. Real smoke. Pink. This is definitely not a sign of health for Sublime. Now we've got Death By Monkeys trying to push the smoking Death By Monkeys around, and not succeeding very well. More extended builder shots, and when we return to the action, Sublime has stopped smoking but Death By Monkeys has gained the upper hand, pushing Sublime butt end into the saws. A few sparks. It now appears that Sublime is only capable of travel in circles. Sublime circles for a while as Death By Monkeys has a brief pity party for him, then Death By Monkeys, who still retains an apparent complete range of motion stuffs Sublime into the screw casing. Sublime remains stuffed as Game Over descends upon him. 30-15 decision for Death By Monkeys.


Final Destiny vs. Gray Matter

Oh my gawd! What a monster! Final Destiny is a brobdingnagian Hazard clone. The gargantuan hexagonal wedge base takes up almost all of the red square. The spinning blade is super-sized, but the base is so large that it doesn't appear to extend too far over the sides. As an idiot sitting in the comfy chair in front of the TV, it appears to me that the idea is that the opponent runs up the side of the wedge base and into the spinning blade. Gray Matter looks like an oversized silver lawnmover with a horizonal, circular cutting blade on the front.

OK, RFT. We've got the bots approaching each other in the center of the box. Gray Matter whittles Final Destiny's base, causing Final Destiny to immediately go frisbee. As Final Destiny flies through the air, the blade catches the top of Gray Matter, completely removing the silver armor and exposing the red gas motor that powers the robot. Not good for Gray Matter. Final Destiny lands on the floor and we have Gray Matter up on the wedge base and the blade eating away at the motor housing. Even worse for Gray Matter. A wide shot shows that the battlebox floor is covered with Gray Matter parts. Gray Matter sideswipes Final Destiny and some more armor goes flying. Gray Matter is really having a bad day. Gray Matter turns towards the camera, and you can see the parts in the motor spinning and LED's shining. I sense the smell of death on Gray Matter. Now we've got Gray Matter up on Final Destiny's base again and the blade whittling away motor parts and tossing them at high velocity across the box. Gray Matter manages to remain mobile for a few seconds and then goes still, completely eviscerated. The count out is moot by this point. Game Over.