You know, it's bad enough we have Carmen the Catholic Girl to wreck the battlebox
experience, but now we have Carmen the horrendous Bob Dylan cue card throwing wanna-be
and if they wanted to get some trashy bot ditz couldn't they have at least gotten
Elizabeth Hurley? I'd even take Alyssa Milano over this.
Hazard vs. Misty the Wonder Bot
Yes! We get see Hazard for the first time this season. My most favorite middleweight.
Hazard is still the very low box with itty bitty wheels and a large spinning blade
that never seems to break. There's the addition of wheel guards this year, which
I'm not quite sure is totally good or not. Hazard's opponent is Misty the Wonder Bot.
Misty the Wonder Bot appears to be a T-shaped 2-wheeled bot with a yellow and black bumper on the front
and a spinning ditch cutter on the back, or is the bumper on the back and the ditch cutter
on the front and does it really matter what Misty the Wonder Bot looks like?
It's not like he's going to look like this for long. I have seen the Tao of Bots and
the Tao says that "If Hazard Exists, Hazard Wins".
OK RFT. Misty the Wonder Bot comes out of the blue square and is making a beeline for Hazard who
is spinning the blade to speed while remaining in the red square. Misty the Wonder Bot hits Hazard with the
ditch cutter, sparks and Hazard fly. No problem for Hazard, who turns around and puts a hit
on Misty the Wonder Bot. That seems to have set something askew on Misty the Wonder Bot, who is now doing the hula with
the bumper. Misty the Wonder Bot puffs up his chest and puts two more head-on hits on Hazard, the second one
sending him on top of Hazard, and extending the time that the ditch cutter is in contact
with the blade. Oh now the ditch cutter is definitely akilter, and the front of
Misty the Wonder Bot is now doing the hula. Unfortunately the front and backside hulas are not
synchronized with each other, which is making Misty the Wonder Bot wiggle every which way. The
effect is very unsettling. Uh oh, each of Misty the Wonder Bot's wheels is doing its own hula as
well, and I don't think that any bot can stand up to four simultaneous hulas for
any extended period of time. And yup, there's the ditch cutter expiring about the
same time as Hazard removes one of wheels. Wait, there's the cutter spinning again.
There's the hula again. There's Hazard coming in with another hit. There's the
ditch cutter stopping again. Yup, Misty the Wonder Bot is looking mighty hula'ed out. This is new.
There's smoke coming from Misty the Wonder Bot. There's Hazard removing Misty the Wonder Bot's other wheel. There's Hazard
with another hit on the ditch cutter. Yup. Yup. There's Misty the Wonder Bot looking motionless
by the spikes. There's Hazard giving some love taps and there's Hazard pushing Misty the Wonder Bot under
the hammer just because he can. There's Pete with the totally gratuitous hammer hit
while the refs count down and Game Over for Misty the Wonder Bot. Yup. Yup. Yup.
Patriot vs. Sallad
Now we have Patriot and Sallad. Patriot and Sallad are basically the same low silver box
with front wedge. All we have to remember is Sallad: 4 wheels, lifting arm. Patriot:
6 wheels, no arm.
OK, RFT. And we've got both bots out of the squares, and a generic hit
right square in the middle of the box and now we've got Sallad underneath Patriot and pushing
around and now we've got Patriot back on the floor and some bot sumo. Now we've got Sallad
smushing Patriot into the spikes. Ding dong. The sound of Patriot's bell being rung. Patriot drives
into the red square and rocks back and forth trying to discern which way is up while
Sallad drives full speed into the spikes, perfectly wedging himself underneath. Hoo boy.
There were smarter moves that could have been undertaken. Sallad flails with the lifting
arm and manages to extricate himself from the situation while Patriot drives around the
far side of the box. Patriot heads back to the red square as Sallad turns around and we get
another generic hit in the red square and now we've got Sallad all pushing Patriot around again
and now we've got bots stopped in the middle of the box and Patriot isn't really moving alot
which is letting Sallad perfectly position the lifting arm and here
we've got Sallad with the perfect lift on Patriot. Sallad poses for an extended photo shoot with his prize, then
motors over to the spikes and dumps Patriot on top of the spikes. Hmmm. I count 6 wheels off the ground.
Hmmm. I only remember Patriot having 6 wheels. That must leave 0 wheels avaliable for Patriot
to drive himself off the spikes. Hmmm. 0 wheels available for removing yourself from
a hazard = 100% chance of Game Over for you! Patriot sulks on the spikes while Sallad salutes
victory with the lifting arm.
Matador vs. frenZy
The Matador is Toro's little brother. A silver box with a major lifting arm on the front
and a pointy wedge tail the size of St. Louis on the back. I thought from the photo I saw
on robotcombat that there would be wheel guards, but it looks like they've been removed
for battle with this particular opponent. frenZy is still the same nilla wafer shaped
black and yellow robot with the long, long, hammer. I notice a long thin piece of
metal sticking out off the bottom of the nilla wafer.
OK, RFT. We've got both bots out of the box and it looks like were having
a very extended period of positioning. Actually it looks like we're having the Matador
using the box floor as a slip 'n slide and frenZy trying to decide what color drapes
to hang in the dining room. Matador gets in close to frenZy and then spins around to try
and get in with the lifting arm, and then promptly gets hung up on frenZy's thin piece of metal.
frenZy is immediately with the hammer pounding on Matador's back while pushing Matador tail
side first into the spikes. Oof. Now Matador slides into the spikes while frenZy decides on the purple
crushed velvet. Now Matador spins around to get in a lift, and puts a mighty, mighty
lift on the battlebox air, mighty enough to lift his wheels clear off the ground.
If it wasn't for that new extended tail, he'd be on his back right now. Matador's
wheels come slamming back to earth as frenZy activates his hammer into the floor.
Matador lets loose a mighty CO2 snort. Now we've got frenZy backing into the saws and
then positioning the thin metal piece
under Matador's arm, and here we've got the bots sitting there facing each other, metal
piece perfectly positioned, and frenZy puts 100 pounding hammer hits on the Matador!
Ooops. Got a little carried away there. Actually there were 0 pounding hammer hits
because it appears that frenZy is having second thoughts about the purple velvet. frenZy thinks
that maybe the red brocade might be better as he uses the metal piece to push Matador over
the saws. Zzzzz. Matador reponds with a mighty, mighty lift on the battlebox air.
frenZy activates the hammer into the floor. Matador snorts. Now we've got seemingly endless
positioning, finally resulting in a mighty missed lift and snort from Matador. Argh.
Even More Positioning, finally resulting in a non-missed lift and snort from Matador that
sends both bots onto their sides. Matador eventually falls over on his back. Now this should be
interesting. It seems like it should be somewhat difficult for Matador to re-invert himself
with that huge extended tail. AAAAAHHHHH!!!! Excuse me, I'm speechless
and I have to go away until I can find some words.........................OK, let me explain what just
happened. Matador just activated the lifting arm, flipping him about 10 feet into the air.
After travelling through 270 degrees of arc, Matador crashes onto his snout, and then crashes
down onto his wheels, right side up. frenZy remains perfectly balanced on his side, leaning
on the hammer. It would appear that the solution would be to move the hammer, but
I guess the hammer went out to Target to buy rods and finials.
Later on in the show we've got Mr. frenZy in an interview. I didn't quite hear
everything that was going on (and didn't tape it), but I think it was something to
the effect that he was somewhat glad to lose to Matador, because if he had won, he'd be
facing Warhead in the next round. This would imply that Matador will meet Warhead in
the next round. I commented about this in the last episode after Warhead won against
Nightmare. I talked about Matador flipping Warhead on her bowl. We'll have to see what
happens. It looked like Matador was having traction problems in this fight. It would seem
like this would make it difficult to position the lifting arm before Warhead got a hit
on one of Matador's wheels with the bowl. We'll just have to wait for that fight to see!
The Judge vs. No Apologies
The Judge is an enormous black metal rectangle with two large pieces of black metal
on the front and a massive bludgeoning hammer. No Apologies is a smaller silver box with a
slanted front and a small pointy poking hammer.
OK, RFT. We've got both robots banging around and we've got a hammer party
on opponent's backs, and we've got both robots banging around and we've got a hammer
party on the battlebox floor. Now we've got both robots positioning and we've got
the Judge bludgeoning the floor. Both robots now position themselves and No Apologies pokes
the floor. Ooooo, the Judge has started to smoke. Badly. The smoke clears for a bit
and No Apologies is with the hammer, poking inside the hammer arm seam that runs down the back
of the Judge. Hmmm. I wonder if that poked something important. Now we've got the
Judge backed into the red square. Smoking. Badly. No Apologies comes to inspect the carnage,
and the Judge lets go with the bludgeon. I can't tell from this angle whether that hit
No Apologies or not. Let's just say it was too close to call. Now the Judge backs out of the
red square directly into the path of the pulverizer. Pow! Pow! We've got a pulverizer
party on the Judge. The Judge travels forward back to the red square amidst a large
cloud of smoke. The effect is not unlike that of Pigpen. No Apologies comes and pokes the Judge
some more and then pushes the Judge to the saws. Looks like there's smoke in Pete's
eyes though, as the saws stay hidden. Now we've got the still smoking Judge over by
the spikes being really still. No Apologies comes over for some more poking action, and as he
lets loose with the pointy hammer, the Judge activates the bludgeon and "catches"
No Apologies's poker. Now we've got a kind of pushing match back in the red square. Looks like
we've got a stalemate, while the Judge continues to emit ever larger amounts of smoke.
Boom. Well this is interesting. Something inside the Judge has just exploded.
It appears the refs have had enough of the campfire/fertilizer factory wanna-be thing and are now counting
out the Judge while No Apologies gets in some gratuitous pokes. Game most Over for the Judge.
During the recap we find out that the original "smoke" was a CO2 snort, then there was
the key hammer seam poke that actually did poke something important by No Apologies which caused the "smoke" smoke. I give No Apologies the award for "best aim
in Battlebots".
