List of fights in this episode:
  1. Warhead vs. The Matador
  2. Diesector vs. Dreadnought
  3. Mauler 5150 vs. Mechavore
  4. Evil Cheese Wedge vs. The Butcher

Pre-fight ranting:
Running short on time this week so I'll make it quick. I didn't realize that Easty Beast was part of that Donald Hutson competition. Did the winner actually drive it in the match? How long did he have to learn how to handle it? No wonder it lost so quick. They say that your band is only as good as your drummer, well your bot is only as good as your driver.

Warhead vs. The Matador

I've been waiting for this fight ever since Episode 3. At that time, I was hoping that The Matador would take out Warhead to prevent Warhead from disassembling my beloved Tazbot. Now that Tazbot has met a much more retarded end, Warhead can go disassembling anyone she wishes to. The more flying parts the merrier. Anyway, the last time we saw The Matador there were some major traction problems going on. I'd make some comment here about what this means for The Matador in this fight, but to tell the truth I just don't know. Let's go robot fighting.

OK RFT. We get some footage of Warhead flicking her tail in the red square and then the light tree counts down and Warhead sideswipes The Matador in the middle of the box. The Matador goes careening off to the side while Warhead pirouettes all gyroscope like courtesy of the bowl weapon. It looks like Warhead has pinned the wings in the upright position to reduce the size of the profile available for flipping. With the wings like this though, the vertical profile of the bot is greatly enhanced, not unlike my cat when presented with another critter on her turf. Warhead looks like an enormous bird of prey about to swoop down on some hapless creature father down the food chain. That's so cool. Maybe I should name Warhead Raptor Warhead for this fight. I mean it's not like we're seeing the real Raptors this season. OK. So now we have The Matador backing up a bit, all wary of Raptor Warhead, and didn't they learn their lesson with Phrizbee-Ultimate? Raptor Warhead finally gets a hit on The Matador's wheel. This doesn't really do a lot of damage on The Matador but it does cause Raptor Warhead to squeeze out some random part from under the bowl. I guess it couldn't have been that important because Raptor Warhead is continuing to motor around as if nothing had happened. Now we have The Matador chasing Raptor Warhead towards the hammer, and almost catching up, and activating the flipping arm before he reaches Raptor Warhead's rear end. Besides lifting a large amount of air, The Matador lifts himself, and ends up tumbling over on his side in the corner near the hammer. Holy ineffective self-righting mechanism Batman! Does that arm even work if The Matador is on his side and not his back? Apparently not. Holy 10 second fight Batman! This is one for the history books. Raptor Warhead taps The Matador a couple times as the bowl spins down, then drives out to examine the part she spit out a few seconds ago. Finding nothing of interest there, Raptor Warhead leisurely parades around the Battlebox just because she can and then spins victorious as The Matador is counted out. Shot of Inertia Labs personnel looking baffled, while I also look baffled. What a disappointment. I wanted a fight!

Diesector vs. Dreadnought

Excellent! More airtime for the Bad-Ass of All Bad-Ass Robots Diesector. Diesector's opponent is Dreadnought who we last saw a couple weeks ago and is still a wedge with two vertical spinning disks on the back. Diesector is still a box with big wheels and jaws. Hammers are still off. Plow still replaces the tail.

OK, RFT. Diesector smashes into Dreadnought's disks with the scoop. Part of the scoop ends up on the floor. Not a good start for Diesector. Now Diesector comes at the disks with the scoop again and this time the disks stop inside the scoop, and Diesector is able to push Dreadnought across the box, and into the screw casing. Oof. We have Dreadnought on the scoop for a bit then Diesector riding up the wedge, and then Diesector backs off as Dreadnought advances with the wedge, disks spinning again. Dreadnought runs into Diesector's jaws with the wedge. Diesector, using the jaws a wedge, then smashes into the rear end of Dreadnought and pushes Dreadnought into the corner near the hammer. Oof. Diesector backs off to let Dreadnought extricate himself from the corner, and then comes right back with the jaws under the side of Dreadnought and smushes Dreadnought into the spikes. Oof. Dreadnought drives away with Diesector in hot pursuit. Diesector gets the jaws under the back of Dreadnought again and smushes Dreadnought into the corner under the hammer. Dreadnought ends up on top of Diesector and takes about three hammer hits before managing to get hinself off of Diesector. PowPowPow! After losing Dreadnought, Diesector takes a hammer hit. Pow. Now we've got a period of Diesector completely manhandling Dreadnought and finally massively smushing Dreadnought into the spike strip. Ooooof. Dreadnought splats down inverted. Now Diesector has Dreadnought pinned against the spikes, and is slowly opening the jaws and lifting Dreadnought off the ground. Now the jaws are fully open and Dreadnought is hung up on the top jaw. Looks like Diesector is heading for the saws. Dreadnought falls off the jaw just short of the saws, but Diesector manages to manhandle her back onto the target. Zzzzzzz. Diesector gets in on the last part the saw hit. Zz. Now Diesector is chasing down Dreadnought with jaws wide open, and boy that looks at least as cool as the Pack Raptors motoring around inverted from last season. Diesector catches up with Dreadnought and it looks like the jaws fit perfectly between Dreadnought's two spinning disks. Chomp. Diesector once again smushes Dreadnought into the spikes and holds her there for a few seconds. Diesector backs off, and then Dreadnought backs out to try and get away from the spikes. Unfortunately, Diesector did not back off all that far and Dreadnought backs up directly into the waiting jaws. Chomp. Smush. Diesector backs off just a little bit as Dreadnought starts to spin the disks again. Diesector disapproves, and immediately drives in and bites with the jaws to put an end to this tomfoolery. Now Dreadnought is sideways into the spikes and we've got another extended period of Diesector keeping her there. Diesector backs off and then drives right up Dreadnought's wedge. Dreadnought barely has time to react before Diesector realizes his mistake and drives away. Now Diesector motors around the box, closing the jaws. Dreadnought comes around and gets a wedge hit on Diesector's tires. Diesector runs away and plays with the jaws until they form a perfect wedge again. Diesector then turns around, collects Dreadnought, and slams her into the screw. Diesector then opens the jaws again, tipping Dreadnought onto her side. Dreadnought surfs the screw. Wheee! Now Diesector has a firm grip on Dreadnought's wheel and once again, this looks at least as cool as upside-down Raptor bots. Unfortunately, Diesector can't really do anything with Dreadnought in this position, so Diesector clamps down on Dreadnought's wedge. Time runs out as Diesector manhandles Dreadnought to the saws and the spikes. After the fight, Christian Carlberg yells "One more minute!". Why he'd want one more minute of that kind of abuse, I don't know. Win for Diesector, 31-19.

Mauler 5150 vs. Mechavore

Oh there's never a dull moment when Mauler is around. Will he "pull a mauler"? Will the rooster costume come back? Oh, we'll just have to see. Mauler is a spinbot with hammers. And a face painted on it. With about the same level of art skills that I possess. Usually I envision spinners as females, but Mauler has hammers, and hammers are just so male. Mauler's opponent is Mechavore, a purple tankbot with a horizonal spinning blade on the front. Supreme Commander Tilford calls Mechavore a "girlie bot" and to tell the truth, Mechavore has always come across to me as a female, even before I implemented my silly genderization scheme. I don't think I'd call Mechavore "girlie" though, I'd call her a broad. And although there are numerous things that really annoy me about Mechavore, for some reason I like seeing this robot fight. Really, I can't explain it.

OK RFT, both bots spend about 5 seconds in their boxes spinning up their weapons and then we have a super extended period where the bots are scoping each other out. They get closer and closer, and then finally Mauler collides with the side of Mechavore's blade. Or the side of Mechavore's blade collides with Mauler. It wasn't very clear to me. So now we're looking at each other again with weapons spinning, which suprises me considering how often Mauler and Mechavore's weapons malfunction. I can't believe we've gone 20 seconds without someone breaking. Oh my my! I've spoken too soon. Mauler is spinning down. I guess we're not pulling a Mauler this year. OK, Mauler can still motor around the box, but Mechavore is still getting a few good hits in with the blade. Haha! Mauler spins everytime Mechavore abuses him with the blade. Oh and look at this. I'm having a flashback to last year. While the bots are staring each other down in the background, we get a good view of the saws in the foreground. Pete pops the saws while the bots are still engaged in their eye contact. While the saws are still up, Mechavore turns around and drives headfirst right into them. Major zzzzzzzzzzz. Mechavore spins around and smashes right into Mauler, who was sitting there right behind her. Now a quick cut to the builders and when we return, Mauler is still in free spin but now we have Mechavore spinning in place for some reason that I can't fathom, and I'm also at a loss to find a purpose for that rotating hood ornament that Mechavore seems to have sprouted this year. Mechavore gets in some more blade abuse on Mauler, then backs off as if to position, but I really can't understand why there would be a need to do such a thing. It would appear to me that a hit on one side of the completely symmetrical Mauler would be equivalent to a hit anywhere else on him. And it's not like Mauler really is even a moving target. Even worse, as Mechavore backs up to do this, she comes perilously close to where the yellow spot would have been. Then again, I've never known Mechavore to exhibit precision motor skills. Pete smashes the floor mere inches from Mechavore. I'm noticing now that neither Mechavore's blade or her hood ornament is spinning. As if to confirm my suspicions, Mechavore starts to smoke heavily as she travels across the box and dings into the side of Mauler. Mauler doesn't spin anymore after a Mechavore hit. OK, Mechavore has stopped smoking and as the cloud lifts we're left with a pushing match between Mechavore and Mauler 5150. Oh. My. Word. Hoo-boy. It doesn't get much worse than this. Mechavore dings Mauler and then drives herself into several hazards. Ding. Ding. Mauler is not doing much of anything. Ding. Ding. Mechavore backs into the spikes. Oy! Is it three minutes yet? Mechavore dings Mauler with her backside. Bot tango. Love dings. Arararar... excuse me, my brain is falling asleep and I'm starting to drool. Now Mechavore is pacing back and forth in the background while Mauler sits there in the foreground like a blob. I am so glad I'm not a judge for this "fight". Otay....Mechavore stops pacing, then spends a few seconds aiming, and then drives into blob Mauler. Ding. Mauler drives away, although it doesn't seem like there was a specific destination in the trip itinerary. OK, now Mauler drives at 1 mph into the side of Mechavore. Ping. Now some nuzzling and Mechavore is driving in random directions and I've totally stopped trying to comprehend the reasoning behind any of Mechavore's driving. Now Mechavore has stopped butt end facing us, while Mauler perfects his blobness and Holy Sh1t!!! Mechavore just got the blade started again! I'd say that move just sealed the win for Mechavore. The clock appears on the screen to count down the last twenty moot seconds. Mechavore sits still for a few seconds as if in a state of disbelief that the weapon is actually working, and then delivers heavy blade abuse until time runs out. 33-12 decision for Mechavore. During the "botvision" replay, they have a slow motion replay of Mechavore's blade breaking. I can see that the hood ornament is likely a small tazmanian devil toy. The must be a story. I don't know what it is.

Evil Cheese Wedge vs. The Butcher

Evil Cheese Wedge is the little wedge bot that was the subject of the "You Name the Bot" contest. The Butcher is the massive Inertia Labs bot that I commented on in the pre-season. You know, the one that looks like the offspring of a Mechavore/mailbox mating. I was under the impression that The Butcher did not make the TV rounds but I guess Inertia Labs is going to get their royalties off this bot anyway.

OK RFT. The Butcher uses its 200 lb. weight advantage to pulverize Evil Cheese Wedge. The world is saved from anymore "Evil Cheese Wedge Explores the Castro District" segments.