Pre-fight ranting:
Running short on time this week so I'll make it quick. I didn't realize that Easty
Beast was part of that Donald Hutson competition. Did the winner actually drive it in the
match? How long did he have to learn how to handle it? No wonder it lost so quick.
They say that your band is only as good as your drummer, well your bot is only as good
as your driver.
Warhead vs. The Matador
I've been waiting for this fight ever since Episode 3.
At that time, I was hoping that The Matador would take out Warhead to prevent Warhead from disassembling
my beloved Tazbot. Now that Tazbot has met a much more retarded end, Warhead can go
disassembling anyone she wishes to. The more flying parts the merrier. Anyway, the
last time we saw The Matador there were some major traction problems
going on. I'd make some comment here about what this means for The Matador in this fight, but
to tell the truth I just don't know. Let's go robot fighting.
OK RFT. We get some footage of Warhead flicking her tail in the red square and then
the light tree counts down and Warhead sideswipes The Matador in the middle of the box. The Matador goes
careening off to the side while Warhead pirouettes all gyroscope like courtesy of the bowl
weapon. It looks like Warhead has pinned the wings in the upright position to reduce the
size of the profile available for flipping. With the wings like this though, the vertical
profile of the bot is greatly enhanced, not unlike my cat when presented with another
critter on her turf. Warhead looks like an enormous bird of prey about to swoop down
on some hapless creature father down the food chain. That's so cool. Maybe I
should name Warhead Raptor Warhead for this fight. I mean it's not like we're seeing the real
Raptors this season. OK. So now we have The Matador backing up a bit, all wary of Raptor Warhead, and
didn't they learn their lesson with Phrizbee-Ultimate? Raptor Warhead finally gets a hit on The Matador's
wheel. This doesn't really do a lot of damage on The Matador but it does cause Raptor Warhead to squeeze out
some random part from under the bowl. I guess it couldn't have been that important because
Raptor Warhead is continuing to motor around as if nothing had happened. Now we have The Matador
chasing Raptor Warhead towards the hammer, and almost catching up, and activating the flipping
arm before he reaches Raptor Warhead's rear end. Besides lifting a large amount of air, The Matador
lifts himself, and ends up tumbling over on his side in the corner near the hammer.
Holy ineffective self-righting mechanism Batman! Does that arm even work if The Matador
is on his side and not his back? Apparently not. Holy 10 second fight Batman!
This is one for the history books. Raptor Warhead taps The Matador a couple times as the bowl spins
down, then drives out to examine the part she spit out a few seconds ago. Finding
nothing of interest there, Raptor Warhead leisurely parades around the Battlebox just because she
can and then spins victorious as The Matador is counted out. Shot of Inertia Labs personnel
looking baffled, while I also look baffled. What a disappointment. I wanted a fight!
Diesector vs. Dreadnought
Excellent! More airtime for the Bad-Ass of All Bad-Ass Robots Diesector. Diesector's
opponent is Dreadnought who we last saw a couple weeks ago and is still a wedge with two vertical
spinning disks on the back. Diesector is still a box with big wheels and jaws. Hammers are
still off. Plow still replaces the tail.
OK, RFT. Diesector smashes into Dreadnought's disks with the scoop. Part of the scoop
ends up on the floor. Not a good start for Diesector. Now Diesector comes at the disks with the scoop
again and this time the disks stop inside the scoop, and Diesector is able to push Dreadnought across
the box, and into the screw casing. Oof. We have Dreadnought on the scoop for a bit then Diesector
riding up the wedge, and then Diesector backs off as Dreadnought advances with the wedge, disks
spinning again. Dreadnought runs into Diesector's jaws with the wedge. Diesector, using the jaws a wedge,
then smashes into the rear end of Dreadnought and pushes Dreadnought into the corner near the hammer.
Oof. Diesector backs off to let Dreadnought extricate himself from the corner, and then comes right back
with the jaws under the side of Dreadnought and smushes Dreadnought into the spikes. Oof. Dreadnought drives
away with Diesector in hot pursuit. Diesector gets the jaws under the back of Dreadnought again and smushes
Dreadnought into the corner under the hammer. Dreadnought ends up on top of Diesector and takes about three
hammer hits before managing to get hinself off of Diesector. PowPowPow! After losing
Dreadnought, Diesector takes a hammer hit. Pow. Now we've got a period of Diesector completely manhandling
Dreadnought and finally massively smushing Dreadnought into the spike strip. Ooooof. Dreadnought splats down inverted.
Now Diesector has Dreadnought pinned against the spikes, and is slowly opening the jaws and lifting Dreadnought
off the ground. Now the jaws are fully open and Dreadnought is hung up on the top jaw. Looks
like Diesector is heading for the saws. Dreadnought falls off the jaw just short of the saws, but
Diesector manages to manhandle her back onto the target. Zzzzzzz. Diesector gets in on the last part
the saw hit. Zz. Now Diesector is chasing down Dreadnought with jaws wide open, and boy that looks at
least as cool as the Pack Raptors motoring around inverted from last season. Diesector catches
up with Dreadnought and it looks like the jaws fit perfectly between Dreadnought's two spinning disks.
Chomp. Diesector once again smushes Dreadnought into the spikes and holds her there for a few seconds.
Diesector backs off, and then Dreadnought backs out to try and get away from the spikes. Unfortunately,
Diesector did not back off all that far and Dreadnought backs up directly into the waiting jaws.
Chomp. Smush. Diesector backs off just a little bit as Dreadnought starts to spin the disks again.
Diesector disapproves, and immediately drives in and bites with the jaws to put an end to this
tomfoolery. Now Dreadnought is sideways into the spikes and we've got another extended period
of Diesector keeping her there. Diesector backs off and then drives right up Dreadnought's wedge. Dreadnought barely
has time to react before Diesector realizes his mistake and drives away. Now Diesector motors around the
box, closing the jaws. Dreadnought comes around and gets a wedge hit on Diesector's tires. Diesector runs away
and plays with the jaws until they form a perfect wedge again. Diesector then turns around,
collects Dreadnought, and slams her into the screw. Diesector then opens the jaws again, tipping Dreadnought onto
her side. Dreadnought surfs the screw. Wheee! Now Diesector has a firm grip on Dreadnought's wheel and once
again, this looks at least as cool as upside-down Raptor bots. Unfortunately, Diesector
can't really do anything with Dreadnought in this position, so Diesector clamps down on Dreadnought's wedge.
Time runs out as Diesector manhandles Dreadnought to the saws and the spikes. After the fight,
Christian Carlberg yells "One more minute!". Why he'd want one more minute of that
kind of abuse, I don't know. Win for Diesector, 31-19.
Mauler 5150 vs. Mechavore
Oh there's never a dull moment when Mauler is around. Will he "pull a mauler"? Will
the rooster costume come back? Oh, we'll just have to see. Mauler is a spinbot with
hammers. And a face painted on it. With about the same level of art skills that I
possess. Usually I envision spinners as females, but Mauler has hammers, and hammers
are just so male. Mauler's opponent is Mechavore, a purple tankbot with a horizonal spinning
blade on the front. Supreme Commander Tilford calls Mechavore a "girlie bot" and to tell the
truth, Mechavore has always come across to me as a female, even before I implemented my silly genderization
scheme. I don't think I'd call Mechavore "girlie" though, I'd call her a broad. And
although there are numerous things that really annoy me about Mechavore, for some reason
I like seeing this robot fight. Really, I can't explain it.
OK RFT, both bots spend about 5 seconds in their boxes spinning up their
weapons and then we have a super extended period where the bots are scoping each
other out. They get closer and closer, and then finally Mauler collides with the side of
Mechavore's blade. Or the side of Mechavore's blade collides with Mauler. It wasn't very clear to me.
So now we're looking at each other again with weapons spinning, which suprises me
considering how often Mauler and Mechavore's weapons malfunction. I can't believe we've gone
20 seconds without someone breaking. Oh my my! I've spoken too soon. Mauler is spinning
down. I guess we're not pulling a Mauler this year. OK, Mauler can still motor around the
box, but Mechavore is still getting a few good hits in with the blade. Haha! Mauler spins everytime
Mechavore abuses him with the blade. Oh and look at this. I'm having a flashback to last year.
While the bots are staring each other down in the background, we get a good view of the saws in the
foreground. Pete pops the saws while the bots are still engaged in their eye contact.
While the saws are still up, Mechavore turns around and drives headfirst right into them.
Major zzzzzzzzzzz. Mechavore spins around and smashes right into Mauler, who was sitting there
right behind her. Now a quick cut to the builders and when we return, Mauler is still in
free spin but now we have Mechavore spinning in place for some reason that I can't fathom,
and I'm also at a loss to find a purpose for that rotating hood ornament that Mechavore seems
to have sprouted this year. Mechavore gets in some more blade abuse on Mauler, then backs off
as if to position, but I really can't understand why there would be a need to do such
a thing. It would appear to me that a hit on one side of the completely symmetrical
Mauler would be equivalent to a hit anywhere else on him. And it's not like
Mauler really is even a moving target. Even worse, as Mechavore backs up
to do this, she comes perilously close to where the yellow spot would have been. Then
again, I've never known Mechavore to exhibit precision motor skills. Pete smashes the floor
mere inches from Mechavore. I'm noticing now that neither Mechavore's blade or her hood ornament
is spinning. As if to confirm my suspicions, Mechavore starts to smoke heavily as she travels
across the box and dings into the side of Mauler. Mauler doesn't spin anymore after
a Mechavore hit. OK, Mechavore has stopped smoking and as the cloud lifts we're left with a pushing
match between Mechavore and Mauler 5150. Oh. My. Word. Hoo-boy. It doesn't get much worse
than this. Mechavore dings Mauler and then drives herself into several hazards. Ding. Ding.
Mauler is not doing much of anything. Ding. Ding. Mechavore backs into the spikes. Oy! Is it
three minutes yet? Mechavore dings Mauler with her backside. Bot tango. Love dings. Arararar...
excuse me, my brain is falling asleep and I'm starting to drool. Now Mechavore is pacing
back and forth in the background while Mauler sits there in the foreground like a blob.
I am so glad I'm not a judge for this "fight". Otay....Mechavore stops pacing, then
spends a few seconds aiming, and then drives into blob Mauler. Ding. Mauler drives away,
although it doesn't seem like there was a specific destination in the trip itinerary.
OK, now Mauler drives at 1 mph into the side of Mechavore. Ping. Now some nuzzling and Mechavore is
driving in random directions and I've totally stopped trying to comprehend the
reasoning behind any of Mechavore's driving. Now Mechavore has stopped butt end facing us, while
Mauler perfects his blobness and Holy Sh1t!!! Mechavore just got the blade started again!
I'd say that move just sealed the win for Mechavore. The clock appears on the screen
to count down the last twenty moot seconds. Mechavore sits still for a few seconds
as if in a state of disbelief that the weapon is actually working, and then delivers
heavy blade abuse until time runs out. 33-12 decision for Mechavore. During the "botvision"
replay, they have a slow motion replay of Mechavore's blade breaking. I can see that the
hood ornament is likely a small tazmanian devil toy. The must be a story. I don't
know what it is.
Evil Cheese Wedge vs. The Butcher
Evil Cheese Wedge is the little wedge bot that was the subject of the "You Name the
Bot" contest. The Butcher is the massive Inertia Labs bot that I commented on in
the pre-season. You know, the one that looks like the offspring of a Mechavore/mailbox
mating. I was under the impression that The Butcher did not make the TV rounds but
I guess Inertia Labs is going to get their royalties off this bot anyway.
OK RFT. The Butcher uses its 200 lb. weight advantage to pulverize Evil Cheese
Wedge. The world is saved from anymore "Evil Cheese Wedge Explores the Castro District"
segments.
