Steel Conflict Part 3

Robots in this episode:

RobotTeamWeight ClassWinsLoses
BiggusN.E.R.D.6000
Polska KILLbasaOverwhelming Simplicity6000
Herr GepoundenZwolfpack XII6000
TyphoonTank Buster6000
Spike DemonJunkyard Bots12000
Blunt AccuracyRoBoSaGa12000
Viking DragonViking USA12000
JimmyAntidisestablishmentartanism12000
HazardHazard12000
Mow-BlowBasher of Bots12000
Teams and/or robots that have appeared in Battlebots are displayed in red


Pre-fight ranting


Sorry that this is late, I spent all my bot time last week watching the botcast of Battle Beach. Battle Beach was definitely entertaining. My so-called Event Report:


Biggus vs. Polska Kill Basa

Biggus is a very flat box with what looks like a spinning drum on the front. Polska Kill Basa is a wedge, but instead of being a box with a sheet of metal as the wedge, Polska Kill Basa is a tubular frame. One side of the frame is painted white and the other side is red. For the geographically challenged, the Polish flag is white on one side and red on the other.

Time to fight. Bots collide in the center of the box and then Polska Kill Basa manages to get half on top of Biggus. Biggus ever so slowly heads towards the pit, with Polska Kill Basa fighting the whole way. We've got a period of extended wrestling, and then Polska Kill Basa manages to free itself and get underneath Biggus. Polska Kill Basa heads towards the wall, with Biggus fighting all the way. Biggus manages to extricate himself from the situation before stuffage. Polska Kill Basa runs into the wall and the wedge gets stuck between the wall and the floor. Shortly afterwards, Biggus begins to smoke heavily. Game is already Over for Polska Kill Basa though, and Biggus wins the match by TKO in 50 seconds.


Herr Gepounden vs. Tycoon

Herr Gepounden is a thwackbot of the Herr Gepounden variety. Tycoon is a flat box with small wedge on the front. If there was any such thing as a "generic" bot, Tycoon would fit the bill. Now some would say that this is the pot calling the kettle black because if I was to build a bot, it would probably look just like Tycoon. Actually this is not true. Given my inate mechanical and coordinational skills, it is completely beyond my ability to build, or properly drive, a robot as complicated as Tycoon. Which is somewhat too bad, because lately I've been thinking that it would be neat to build one of those cute little 12 lb bots. But I digress.

Time to fight. We start with an extended period of bot foxtrot. Every now and then, Herr Gepounden runs over the top of Tycoon. Now we have Herr Gepounden spinning (as thwackers are wont to do) and Tycoon goes and drives right under him. Herr Gepounden bounces around a bit, then Tycoon emerges out the opposite side. Tycoon drives away, but Herr Gepounden follows and runs over the top of him. Now Tycoon is sitting very still, and as the camera watches him, Herr Gepounden enters from the right of the screen, runs over the corner of Tycoon, and promptly exits off to the left. Tycoon continues to emulate a doorstop and here comes Herr Gepounden, aiming with the thwacker. The emcee inquires about the health of Tycoon, and Tycoon finally exhibits translational motion. Some more bot ballet, and then Tycoon drives into the wall and sits there for about 20 seconds. Here comes Herr Gepounden, who spins up to speed and spends 20 seconds attempting to connect with the immobile Tycoon. The words "Melty Brain in Use" scroll by on the bottom of the screen as Herr Gepounden fails to get a hit in on the sitting duck Tycoon. Tycoon eventually drives away, and almost immediately runs into another wall, Here comes Herr Gepounden, aiming, aiming, and finally gets in one hit before almost driving himself into the pit. Now Herr Gepounden resorts to just taking all of his mass and ramming into the rear end of Tycoon. The emcee inquires about the vital signs of Tycoon. Tycoon finally moves, and drives around slowly and somewhat without purpose. Herr Gepounden circles, and jumps on Tycoon's back, and generally makes a nuisance of himself until Tycoon stops again. Herr Gepounden starts spinning, and actually gets a few good thwacks on Tycoon before Tycoon drives into the wall again. Ooof. That seems to have knocked some sense into Tycoon as he's now on the warpath, driving under Herr Gepounden and popping him in the air a little. Now Tycoon is behind Herr Gepounden and trying to push Herr Gepounden into the pit. Herr Gepounden gets away and Tycoon manages to drive off to the side before he goes flying into the pit. More bot bossa nova and a couple good hits on Herr Gepounden by Tycoon and then the match is over. 34-11 decision for Herr Gepounden.


Spike Demon vs. Blunt Accuracy

Spike Demon is a big wedge with a lexan top and spike-ish thingys sticking straight out from either side. Blunt Accuracy is a silver box, with a metal plate as its front edge. I'm not seeing any active weapon.

Time to fight. Spike Demon quickly gets Blunt Accuracy completely up on the wedge and starts to push Blunt Accuracy towards the pit. After a few feet of movement, Spike Demon stops and Blunt Accuracy slips off the wedge just a bit. Both bots sit there. Ummmm...emcee comments "Now that's an exciting hit right there!". Bots sit. Dum-de-dum. Bots sit. Emcee asks Spike Demon to show movement. Bots sit. Da-dum-de-dum. Much twiddling of fingers. Bots sit. Grass grows. Bots sit. Paint dries. Bots sit. Countdown begins. Bots sit. Game Over for Spike Demon. Blunt Accuracy wins by TKO in 48 seconds. Sounds of death throes come from the audience. I don't know. I don't want to know. Onto the next fight.


Viking Dragon vs. Jimmy

Okey-dokey. It's going to take a while to describe the object that now sits in the orange starting position. I suspect that Viking Dragon is nominally a wheeled box. On top of this box is this complicated looking frame of metal bars whose purpose is not immediately apparent to me. There seems to be some sort of wire or chain wrapped around the frame. Sticking up from the frame is a piece of lexan with a dragon's head on it. As opposed to the complicated Viking Dragon, Jimmy is simply a black wedge that says Jimmy on it.

Time to fight. Both bots drive out of their starting positions. Viking Dragon starts spinning in place while Jimmy immediately gets his wedge stuck in the space between the retaining wall and the box floor. Viking Dragon moves to the center of the box and spins back and forth aimlessly while Jimmy gets counted out. TKO victory for Viking Dragon in 31 seconds. This could be the first review I've ever written where I've used more words to describe the appearance of the robots than I've used to describe the entire fight.


Hazard vs. Mow-Blow

Yes, that Hazard. Yes, that Mow-Blow. We can pretend like we're at Treasure Island

Time to fight. Both bots sit for a while and spin their weapons to speed. Then we get an extended period of  "I dare you to step over this line". Mow-Blow and Hazard take turns threatening to step over the line, and then Hazard takes the initiative and starts simultaneously clanging Mow-Blow's armor with the spinning blade and pushing Mow-Blow into the wall. Hazard backs off, then Mow-Blow takes a running start and slams into him. Mow-Blow stops moving. Hazard rides up the side of Mow-Blow and shears off Mow-Blow's spinning blade just because he can. Hazard wins by KO in 52 seconds.